nodding & smiling

ceci n'est pas un bébé lala

Sex Ed


Mama and her babies

Mama and her babies

I am not shy about sex. Not even a little bit. I laugh at a culture that is okay showing our kids movies full of non-sensical, gratuitous violence but that blushes at showing people enjoying sex, which is something that happy, healthy people are hard-wired to do.

One of my favourite documentaries is Let’s Talk About Sex due to it advocating a frank, open dialogue within families, and I read Dr. Laura Berman’s book Talking To Your Kids About Sex so many times that I probably need a new copy. It’s thanks to her that sex is an ongoing, open topic of discussion at my house (rather than a single, awkward “talk” to get through). I highly-recommend both, if you have kids and don’t ever want them to feel ashamed of their emerging sexuality. I’ve even talked with writer friends (sometimes using a pseudonym, based on how embarrassed my kids might be) about my views on parenting and sex education. Check out my points of view in Ann Douglas’s article and Emma Waverman’s article.

Sex talks at my house include the nuts-and-bolts of sexuality, reproduction, sexually-transmitted infections and contraception/protection – as well as pleasure, love, expectation, the future, risks, rewards, feelings. I think they all go hand-in-hand and should be discussed together. I also make sure to pepper the discussion with some first-hand experiences of my own, letting kids know that there were things I had been confused about and experiences that had surprised me when I was a teen and what I learned.

I want my kids to know that nothing embarrasses me about sex, they can ask me anything, at any time. I also tell them they should not be embarrassed, but that a good rule of thumb is that if they aren’t comfortable talking about sex with a boyfriend/potential partner, it’s probably a good sign that they aren’t ready to take that step.



Author: natalie

Although full of opinions, I often find myself nodding and smiling. Don't you? Doesn't mean I agree. I'm just being polite.

13 thoughts on “Sex Ed

  1. Great post, Nat! I agree with you. So important to have an open dialogue about sex. We’ve actually had the chat with our 5 year old and people have frowned upon it. I know she’s young, but we live on a farm. Talking about the birds and the bees is commonplace here. It’s just part of life.

  2. I share your POV. 🙂

  3. We talk openly to our daughter about sex , we want her to know that it isn’t something she needs to be embarrassed about discussing or asking about. We actually prefer she talk to us about certain things than her peers. 🙂

  4. We like to be completely open with our daughter and let her know that she should never be embarrassed or afraid to talk about ,or ask us anything. I really prefer she come to us rather than her peers.

  5. Your kids are so lucky they have a mom like you. I really love your point of view. Refreshing.

  6. Great post Nat, I had “the talk” with my son when he was 10. It included the surface points, you know what they teach in school. We watched a video on Youtube together with cartoon characters, it was great and he related.

    Fast forward 2.5 years and my son discovered that the internet has it’s own “sex ed program”….YIKES!! So it was time to have a more frank, in depth and honest discussion which included a lot of the same aspects you mentioned in your post.

    I’m honest and frank with him, I don’t flinch or squirm when I am uncomfortable so he knows it’s “safe” to talk to mom about anything and everything pertaining to sex.

    I think it’s very important to also discuss the psychological aspects of sexual relationships, he’s not at the point but when he is I’ll be ready.

    My parents on the other hand are totally freaked out by our open discussions…different times indeed.

    • Yeah Angela it gets more challenging when you have to talk frankly about porn and sex predators etc. but at least if you keep an ongoing discussion at your house, it’s likely to brought up, or can easily be.

  7. Love the last part. We’re pretty open and my son asks a tonne of questions so we’ll see what has to say. I hope he’ll come to us. My kids are no where near sex talk yet but I think we’ll be able to handle it.
    Great post Natalie.

  8. Thanks for this, Nat. I’m suddenly realizing that while I agree with you in principle, I need to work at putting it into practice. This is hard since sex is something we pretty much never talked about growing up, other than, “Your father and I waited until we were married.”

    • It should be easy enough to implement Rebecca. For me, once they started asking questions, I’d be sure to give them honest answers. Other times, if watching TV or reading something that mentioned a word, phrase or term that I thought they might not have heard before, I’d ask, “Do you know what____ means/is?” and then I’d explain. Just last night, I was tickling my 10yo’s back in bed, and she said “When did you start doing it?” I asked, “having sex?” She laughed, “No, when did you start tickling my back!” (but I totally would have told the story of my first boyfriend 🙂 )

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