nodding & smiling

ceci n'est pas un bébé lala


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Sex Ed

Mama and her babies

Mama and her babies

I am not shy about sex. Not even a little bit. I laugh at a culture that is okay showing our kids movies full of non-sensical, gratuitous violence but that blushes at showing people enjoying sex, which is something that happy, healthy people are hard-wired to do.

One of my favourite documentaries is Let’s Talk About Sex due to it advocating a frank, open dialogue within families, and I read Dr. Laura Berman’s book Talking To Your Kids About Sex so many times that I probably need a new copy. It’s thanks to her that sex is an ongoing, open topic of discussion at my house (rather than a single, awkward “talk” to get through). I highly-recommend both, if you have kids and don’t ever want them to feel ashamed of their emerging sexuality. I’ve even talked with writer friends (sometimes using a pseudonym, based on how embarrassed my kids might be) about my views on parenting and sex education. Check out my points of view in Ann Douglas’s article and Emma Waverman’s article.

Sex talks at my house include the nuts-and-bolts of sexuality, reproduction, sexually-transmitted infections and contraception/protection – as well as pleasure, love, expectation, the future, risks, rewards, feelings. I think they all go hand-in-hand and should be discussed together. I also make sure to pepper the discussion with some first-hand experiences of my own, letting kids know that there were things I had been confused about and experiences that had surprised me when I was a teen and what I learned.

I want my kids to know that nothing embarrasses me about sex, they can ask me anything, at any time. I also tell them they should not be embarrassed, but that a good rule of thumb is that if they aren’t comfortable talking about sex with a boyfriend/potential partner, it’s probably a good sign that they aren’t ready to take that step.

 

 


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Friends

Best friends are the people in your life that make you laugh louder, smile brighter and live better. - Unknown.

Best friends are the people in your life that make you laugh louder, smile brighter and live better. – Unknown.

This Friday marked my elder daughter’s prom. Although not how she had been dreaming it would play out (thanks to the recent break-up of her 3.5-year relationship), she enjoyed a lovely pre-prom event that even welcomed parents (thanks, Ally!), her official school banquet and then a kickass pool party at a friend’s house till the wee hours. She’s a lucky girl to have such a great group of friends with whom to celebrate the end of high school, all their hard work and achievements, and years spent together.

Now, just a few days left of exams and their high school careers will be over. They’ll soon scatter around the country for the next phase of their young lives.

I was recently speaking with a good friend whose son is going into second-year university in the fall, and she said that university doesn’t represent the end of you “parenting” your (adult) child, because they will continue have plenty to learn from you, and will miss you, too. That’s comforting, but I’m still a bit misty. That said, I’m so excited to find out what all these kids will go forward and do.


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Broken Hearts

First love. Together for over 3 years, my daughter and her boyfriend are now going their separate ways.

First love. Together for over 3 years, my daughter and her boyfriend are now going their separate ways.

Oy. A broken heart.

Give me backs to rub while kids are sick, little knees to apply Band-Aids to, imagined boo-boos to kiss, over my child’s heartache any day. The sting of rejection and the loss of love can’t be helped by Mom, no matter how much Mom wishes it could.

Although my 18yo felt the impending doom looming for a while, the pain she feels after her boyfriend of 3 1/2 years broke up with her is huge. They had been together since she was in grade 9. He is a great guy, and we will miss him. Our family grew to love him over the past few years.

Less than two weeks before prom, and right before exams, through tears he told her that he would not be able to handle her being so far away in September and that it would be better for them both if he ended it now. This won’t be easy for either of them.

Lump in throat.